You want to help a friend, family member or colleague who’s recovering from cancer treatment, but you’re not sure how. That’s OK. We have ideas for you.

Start here, with these basics:

Simply touch base. Reach out and say hi. Your texts, emails, cards and visits make a difference. Your friend likes to know you’re thinking about them. Let them know you don’t expect a reply. Facing a long list of messages to return can be daunting. 

Don’t wait to be asked. They may not have time or energy to ask for help. Be proactive. Anticipate what they need—then take care of it.

Be specific. It’s a natural instinct to say “How can I help?” but it’s one of the least helpful things to say, according to many cancer survivors. It’s better to be specific. Instead of saying, “Let me know what I can do for you,” try “I’d like to pick up the kids from school every Friday. Is that OK?”

Offer choices. “Offer to cook or bring a meal, look after their kids, do laundry, clean or walk the dog,” suggests one clinical psychologist. They’ll choose what works best.

Schedule it. Instead of pitching in here and there, do it regularly. Make it weekly or bi-weekly. They appreciate help they can count on.

Visit gently. Your friend of family member may not be up for company, so don’t arrive unannounced. Keep scheduled visits short and simple, especially if they’re very sick. A good rule of thumb is two people max, for a half hour or less.

Don’t give unsolicited advice. Don’t suggest trying a new doctor or different treatment. Don’t recommend the latest diet plan. Questioning or suggesting alternatives erodes hope and confidence. Don’t offer advice unless you’re asked.

Meet them where they are. “Some people want to talk, some don't. Some people want company, some don't,” says another clinical psychologist. Pick up on cues. When in doubt, a simple “I’m thinking of you” text is non-invasive and thoughtful.

Expect ups and downs. Some days your friend or family member may feel upbeat; others they may feel like exploding. Try to roll with whatever comes your way—and let it be.

Don’t unload on them. Use the “circle of grief” as your guide: A cancer patient is the innermost circle. Moving outward is his or her spouse, then close family and friends, and so on. If you have concerns, go outward. Avoid putting it on someone closer to the innermost circle than you.

Next, specific ways you can help:

Run errands. Drop off dinner. Go grocery shopping. Pick up necessities. Clean out their refrigerator. Give your friend or family member a ride to therapy or to Target.

Monitor meds. Keep track of their prescriptions. Pick up refills. Organize their medication so they don’t miss a dose.

Help with kids and pets. It takes a village, especially now. Offer to babysit or pick up kids from activities. Take their dog for a walk or an overnight stay. Clean the litter box. Fill the birdfeeder. Water their plants.

Organize helpers. Create a calendar to keep track of who, when and how others will pitch in. Online tools like Google Calendar are free and make it easy to spread the word and keep everyone on the same page.

Keep up the house. Hire a landscaper to mow your friend or family member’s grass. Have neighborhood kids shovel the snow. Book a cleaning service.

Send a care package. “Care packages are welcomed treats,” says one breast cancer survivor. Try cotton tank tops, a soft knit cap, socks, aloe vera, body cream, lip balm, ibuprofen, supplements, microwavable heating pads, books, magazines, crossword puzzles or CDs.

Gather info. If you’re an info-seeker, this is a great way to help. But be mindful: While some people appreciate this kind of help, others don’t. Ask first.

Accompany them. Offer to take your friend or family member to medical appointments. Take notes so they can focus on what doctors say. Ask questions they may not think of. Be a sounding board on tough decisions.

Find resources. Gather information. Find support groups, physical therapists, recovery coaches or oncology massage specialists. But only do this if they ask.

Keep it simple. Don’t overload your friend or family member. Gather information, consolidate it, and walk them through it only when they’re ready. 

Update their social network. If your friend or family member is OK with it, add updates to CaringBridge or Facebook. Offer to sift through emails for important messages. Return phone calls.

Boost their health. Help speed their recovery by making it easier to eat nutrient-dense foods and start moving again.

Get their mornings going with a healthy breakfast. Protein shakes, low-sugar green juices, and oatmeal with dried fruits or nuts are high energy options.

Prepare or buy meals. Drop off a veggie-centric dinner that’s heavy on whole grains, beans and low on sugar. Offer to eat it together.  Order groceries online—pick healthy choices!—and have them delivered.

Eat out. But not just anywhere. Take your friend or family member to restaurants with healthy options and healthy portions.  Encourage them to start the meal with a salad, or offer to share one.

Start them moving again. Take your friend or family member to a yoga class to stretch muscles that have been constantly contracting from time in bed. Arrange after-dinner strolls or early-morning tai chi. Being active is great for their physical and emotional health.

Take them out. Getting out of the house may give your friend or family member a boost and reminds them there’s a world other than cancer. But don’t push.

Return to old favorites. Your friend or family member may miss old hobbies and activities. Bring them back—if they’re ready. Help them re-engage with book clubs or lunches with friends. Take them to the movies or to religious services they once enjoyed. 

Inspire them. New activities are very healing. Expand their world by taking them to a play, sporting event, or museum exhibit. Suggest an art or music class you can take together.

Go outdoors. Introduce your friend or family member to the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing.” Walk them through nature aimlessly and slowly, so they can focus on its beautiful smells, sounds and sights. Nature is a powerful way to both comfort and revitalize.

Help them relax. They may be worried about scan results or how they’ll manage everything. You can be the eye of the storm.

Lead them through relaxation exercises. Meditation and deep breathing are linked to better health. If your friend or family member is open to it, download a meditation app or try deep-breathing exercises with them.

Locate an EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) psychotherapist. Certain therapies are especially effective for cancer patients—like EMDR, a unique emerging modality which combines talk therapy with body therapy. “I developed delayed PTSD a year after my treatment ended. It turned into a phobia of being touched. I was mortified. I couldn’t control it,” says one cancer survivor. 

Get artsy. Art reduces stress. Plan an activity like painting, drawing or working with clay.  Or buy your friend or family member a journal, in case writing is more their medium.

Bring music. Music can be incredibly soothing, says a pancreatic cancer survivor. Her husband gave her a CD of relaxing music while she was in treatment. “I had it playing 24/7 in the hospital and then for a month when I came home. It got me into a different zone,” she says.

Offer emotional support. Just because treatment is over doesn’t mean your friend or family member doesn’t need to talk about their diagnosis or treatments anymore. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in cancer patients is often a delayed symptom. Your support is key.

Be a confidante. Be a trusted friend, a shoulder to cry on. Some experts suggest having a confidante may increase seven-year survival rates by 10 percent.

Ask how their spirits are. Try asking, “What was good this week? What was difficult?”  Don’t be afraid to talk about your life too. Your friend or family member may appreciate a break from their worries now and then, and it can feel good to be on the giving versus receiving side of things once in a while.

Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes your friend or family member may want company, but fatigue makes it hard to talk or listen, says a trauma therapist and cancer patient. “Don’t be afraid to say, ‘Do you just need some quiet time? I’m up for that.’”

Don’t try to solve their problems. Listen before talking. Be a sounding board. Your friend or family member doesn’t necessarily want your advice. They may just want you to be there.

Be normal. “Talk to me like a normal person,” says a breast cancer survivor. Talk about their usual topics. Hug them. Touch them. Share a good joke. Include them in projects and plans. They’ll let you know if it’s too much.

Step in. During recovery, your friend or family member’s closest friends may experience “compassion fatigue.” If you consider yourself “just an acquaintance,” this is a great time to step in and be an active friend. 

Renew and inspire. Be your friend or family member’s unofficial recovery coach. Help them repair, recover and renew.

Get a birdfeeder. Sometimes your friend or family member may be so sick or fatigued that they can’t read a book or watch TV—the only option is to just stare at the ceiling. Give the gift of a birdfeeder so they have something to look at. Fill it with birdseed—and keep it filled until they feel better.

Redo their bedroom. During treatment, your friend or family member may have been in bed for months and may associate their bedroom with sickness. Offer to update it. Buy new linens, paint the walls, rearrange the furniture, hang a new piece of wall art. Give them a fresh start. 

Be creative. “I had a friend who brought me over a bunch of great hats,” says one cancer survivor. “I was wearing a baseball hat and she said, ‘How’s your hat collection?’ Next thing I knew, she came over with hats—and I had fun with them!” 

Celebrate milestones. Have a party or bring everyone together for a meal, suggests one oncologist. Mark the end of treatment or an anniversary. But check with them first—and let them approve the guest list.

Help their caregivers. They need a break too. The 24/7 togetherness can be tough on everyone.

Arrange a weekly night off. Have one friend arrange to visit with your friend or family member at home while another another takes their caregiver out for the evening. Make this a weekly event and rotate the visitors.

Be a friend to their caregiver. Cancer patients often get lots of attention, while the caregiver, who’s also experiencing significant life pressures, is relegated to the sidelines. Lend an ear. Be a healthy distraction. Their caregiver may need to express difficult feelings—or take a break from thinking about cancer.

Want more advice? Here’s what to say (and not say) for someone with cancer.

TIPS FOR CAREGIVERS

You’ll be better at caring for your friend or family member if you care for yourself. Try these tips to support your own health.

Eat well. Fill half your plate with fruits and vegetables. Eat whole grains like oatmeal and popcorn. Switch to low-fat milk and yogurt. Limit sodium, saturated fat and added sugars.

Exercise. Aim for 2 ½ hours of moderate exercise a week. Try walking 10,000 steps a day. Do strength training twice a week. Try flexibility and balance exercises.

Sleep well. Most of us need seven or more hours a night. Sleep better by turning off your screens an hour before bed. Avoid big meals and exercise close to bedtime.

Express yourself. Talk to friends, family or a therapist about how you feel.